Missing You

Current Mood: Pensive

Nostalgia
When you've given up something, and you don't realize how important it was to you...until you see something, or hear something or even smell something that reminds of it.
And then that feeling hits you.
The sour taste, that rests not upon your tongue, but rather inside of you, that twists and tangles the very core of you.
No, I'm not talking about missing the love of my life.
You see, all this was brought on by an anime...yes a Japanese animation.
Nodame Cantabile
An anime based around music.
Now, even though I obtained my grades when I was quite young, I was only mediocre on the piano, I was never one that could sight-reading. Music never came to me like that. I had to sit down and practice bar after bar, even though my mind rushed towards playing through the whole piece. My limited patience probably didn't help with practicing either. I was also pushed towards learning the piano, and I for one, never really liked anything that was forced upon me. Hence I picked up percussion in my high school days. To my ultimate dismay, I discovered that rhythm did not come to me easily either. However, my participation in orchestras and musicals kept me from giving up on percussion. Yet, when I finished my schooling and found that my lack of time for practice and lack of instruments to practice on, hindered any improvement and promoted if anything - deterioration in skills, I gave up all together. I was too embarrassed to continue. Especially since there were so many people that were better than me. I felt intimidated.
I gave it all up.
But that anime brought back so many memories...
It brought back my love of music.
My fingertips yearn for the cool touch of ivory. My hands itch to dance across the keyboard, and my eyelids are heavy, as if it's already remembering what it feels like to close and become lost in the melodies of the past.
I want to feel alive. One of my favourite sounds is the sound of an orchestra tuning. I want to feel exhilarated, standing under the bright lights, behind my 4 timpani, mallets in my hand, hearing the low vibrato that rumbles beneath all the other sounds. And If I close my eyes, I can feel the rebound of the mallet after striking a note, I can feel my fingers spreading then applying pressure on the timpani skin, muffling any echoes.
Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff, Chopin, Schubert, Stravinsky, Orff,....hell, even stereotypically classical Mozart.
Nostalgia...

Sometimes....

Current mood: Exhausted

Sometimes the blatant truth hurts, but needs to be told to avoid more damages
sometimes, understanding and empathy is the key to many problems
sometimes, numbness and detachment are a double-edged sword...
and sometimes, just sometimes, it's good to just let it all out
and hope that no one is close enough to know....

Dilemma

Current mood: Aggravated

What should I do? Ignore the problem and let it eat away knowing it might change or hinder the relationship in some way or even come back and bite you in the ass, or do I confront the problem?
the more I think about my problems, the more f#@!king irritated, annoyed and angry I get. Grrrrrrr!

Old bag

Current Mood: Irate

I've been feeling quite irritable in the last week. Maybe it's that time of the month...or maybe not. How the f$#!king hell do you tell? For all I know, I could be just turning into some grumpy, impatient old bag!

Current Mood: Restless

I stand, staring into the face of oblivion
Around me, the wind whistles and gurgles
Distantly, I hear the buzzing of the metropolitan night
of zooming cars and pounding music
Suddenly, everything stops.
And all I can hear is the harshness of my breaths...

Blooming and Wilting

Current Mood: Depressed

A cold grip tightened around my heart, and for a fraction of time - the constant drumming seemed to stop...before it continued to pound slowly and deliberately.

Then, there was the onslaught of blood rushing towards my ears and nose. Unshed tears clung onto my lashes as I felt the rims of my eyelids burn. In such an inappropriate time, I dimly pondered on my appearance - I made quite a biased wager against myself that my eyes would already be bloodshot.

Finally, I could feel the first tear fall. So fast, was its journey, that it left only a faint trail of coolness on my cheeks. Contrary to popular belief, the tears did not roll down my face one after the other - it was quite the opposite, actually. I had to almost squeeze them out. This did not mean that I wasn't upset! Of course I was! There was an unsettling amount of sadness, of regret, of pity and of helplessness that was thumping against my emotional defences. Unsettling, as I don't think I've ever seen her.

Yet the more I thought about it, the more my nose became runny and the more my eyes began to sting. The more I thought about it, the more my imagination became a living creature: picturing the discovered body, imagining the urn and the milky white arms holding it close to her breast, fingers gripping so tight that the knuckles turned white. I'd see her body, on a slightly messy, unmade double bed, curled around that simple yet priceless bottle, clinging to it like she was to her sanity...

The worst, was the sentence floating around my head, unable to be shoved into some dark corner of my mind..."I could see the open mouth, the horrifyingly blank eyes, and that image will stay with me forever..."

I wonder if she saw her life flash before her? Did fear claw its way around her heart like it did mine? Did she regret it? Did she see the end coming...and cry out for the one who loved her the most?

It seem so short. Her time. Blooming and wilting, like a tender pink rose, right before our very eyes...

the Pig says...what?

Current Mood: Mischievous

Check out this quiz:
http://www.personalityquiz.net/test/potbellypig.htm
...and tell me the result

^_^

Wheee! It's Free!

Current Mood: Lethargic

The things people do for free stuff!

Ok, I have to admit that I'm one of them...sort of...

Yesterday, I (and my cousin) lined up at the entrance 45 minutes early to be one of the first ones into the Aus Open, headed straight for the Garnier tent. However, by lining up at the other entrance, by the time I walked (NOTE: walked, not run) to the Garnier tent, there was already a huge line. It took me an hour and 20 minutes to get through (also note, that this was the second time I've waited in line for the Garnier stuff - the first time was nearly 2 hours of waiting). Anyway due to the lining up and the rain, all outside matches were more or less cancelled, and Vodafone arena was absolutely packed - a wait of "upwards of 2 hours". Grrr! We were beginning to regret not having better/logical priorities! We were here for the tennis, and there was no way I could watch a match when I needed to leave in 3 hours!

So what did we do?

Lined up once again for Garnier.